Things Not to Do After a Breakup: 15 Mistakes to Avoid

Breaking up hurts. There’s no way around it. What you do in those first raw weeks and months can either put you on a path to healing or keep you stuck in emotional quicksand. While there’s no magic formula for how to get over a breakup, there are definitely mistakes that will drag out the pain and damage your self-worth.

Understanding what not to do after a breakup is just as important as knowing what you should do. Avoiding these common traps can save you from months of unnecessary suffering and help you reclaim your life, piece by piece.

Don’t Contact Your Ex or Beg for Another Chance

The impulse to text, call, or even show up is powerful. You miss them. You want answers. But reaching out almost always makes you feel worse. It reopens the wound and keeps you hooked on a cycle of hope and disappointment.

This urge often comes from a place of panic—you miss the person, sure, but you also miss the comfort and routine of having a partner. Begging for another chance rarely changes the outcome; it just chips away at your dignity. True healing starts when you commit to the silence.

Block Them on All Platforms

Implementing the “no contact” rule means going all in. A half-hearted effort won’t work. Block them everywhere: phone, text, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, email, and even payment apps like Venmo. This isn’t about being dramatic; it’s about creating a safe space for you to heal without the constant temptation to check on them or send a message you’ll later regret.

Resist the Urge to Seek Closure

The idea that you need one final conversation to get “closure” is mostly a myth. True closure doesn’t come from your ex explaining their reasons one last time. It comes from you accepting that the relationship is over and deciding to move forward. Constantly asking “why” keeps you anchored in the past. You have to give closure to yourself.

Stay Off Your Ex’s Social Media

This is non-negotiable. Stalking your ex’s social media is a form of self-torture. Every post, every story, every tagged photo is a potential trigger that sends you spiraling. You start creating stories in your head based on a curated feed, which is never the full picture.

Unfollow them. Mute them. If you have to, block them. Protecting your peace is more important than satisfying your curiosity.

Don’t Obsess Over Their New Relationships

Seeing your ex with someone new is incredibly painful. But fixating on their new partner—stalking their profile, comparing yourself to them—keeps you emotionally tied to your ex’s life. It’s wasted energy. That focus belongs on your healing and your future, not theirs.

Avoid Using Social Media to Make Them Jealous

Posting thirst traps, cryptic song lyrics, or an endless stream of “look how much fun I’m having” photos might feel powerful in the moment, but it’s a trap. It signals that you’re still performing for them, not living for yourself. Authentic healing happens when you no longer care what they think.

Don’t Use Alcohol or Substances to Cope

Numbing the pain with alcohol or other substances is a temporary fix with long-term consequences. Alcohol is a depressant, which can make feelings of sadness and loneliness even worse. It also lowers your inhibitions, making that late-night “I miss you” text seem like a great idea. It’s not.

Feeling the pain is part of the grief process. By avoiding it, you only delay it. Let yourself feel the emotions so you can process them and eventually let them go.

Avoid Isolation and Withdrawing from Friends

It’s tempting to curl up in a ball and shut the world out. A little alone time is healthy, but complete isolation is not. When you’re alone, you’re more likely to ruminate and check your phone, hoping for a text that isn’t coming. The feeling of feeling lonely after a breakup is real, but surrounding yourself with people who care is the antidote.

Say yes to that coffee date or movie night, even if you don’t feel like it. Connection is a powerful healer.

Don’t Rely Too Heavily on Friends’ Opinions

Your friends are your lifeline, but don’t turn them into a jury. Constantly asking them to analyze your ex’s last text or predict if you’ll get back together is unhelpful. They can offer support, but they don’t have the answers. Rely on their presence, not their predictions.

Don’t Seek Revenge or Try to Get Back at Your Ex

When you’re hurt, the desire for revenge can be strong. You might want to spread rumors, trash-talk them, or make them jealous. Don’t. Acting on these impulses might provide a fleeting moment of satisfaction, but it’s quickly followed by regret. It keeps you tangled in negativity and prevents you from moving on with grace. The best revenge is building a happy life without them.

Avoid Bad-Mouthing Your Ex to Mutual Friends

Venting to your closest friends is one thing, but constantly bad-mouthing your ex to everyone, especially mutual friends, puts people in an awkward position. It reflects poorly on you and keeps you focused on anger. Process those feelings with a trusted friend or a therapist, not in a public forum.

Don’t Keep Reminders of Your Ex Around

Photos, gifts, old sweatshirts—these objects aren’t just things; they are triggers. Keeping them around your space is like leaving the door open to the past. It keeps you stuck in a loop of nostalgia and pain.

You don’t have to have a dramatic bonfire. Just pack it all into a box and put it out of sight. You can decide what to do with it later when you’re less emotional.

Avoid Jumping into a Rebound Relationship

The void left by a breakup can feel huge, and it’s tempting to fill it with someone new immediately. But a rebound relationship is usually a band-aid, not a cure. You’re often using the new person to avoid your feelings of loneliness and grief. Take the time to heal and rediscover who you are on your own before bringing someone else into your life.

Don’t Rush Back to Previous Exes

When you’re feeling vulnerable, it’s common to think about past relationships. Reaching out to an old ex for comfort is a mistake. There’s a reason they are an ex. You broke up for a reason, and you’re likely to repeat the same old patterns, adding more confusion to your already fragile emotional state.

Don’t Make Major Life Changes Impulsively

Suddenly deciding to quit your job, move across the country, or get a drastic haircut can feel like you’re taking control. More often than not, it’s an attempt to outrun your pain. But your feelings will follow you wherever you go. Make big decisions when your head is clear, not when your heart is broken.

Avoid Pretending You’re Fine When You’re Not

Putting on a brave face has its limits. Constantly telling everyone (and yourself) that you’re “fine” when you’re falling apart inside is called emotional suppression. Those feelings don’t just disappear; they will come out eventually, often in unhealthy ways.

It’s okay to not be okay. Be honest with yourself and a few trusted people about your struggles. Finding healthy ways for how to distract yourself from a breakup is important, but so is acknowledging the pain.

Don’t Try to Stay Friends Too Soon

The “let’s be friends” line is often a way to soften the blow, but it rarely works right after a breakup. Friendship requires emotional distance and boundaries that you simply don’t have yet. Attempting friendship too soon creates confusion, false hope, and prevents you from fully detaching and healing. Maybe one day it’s possible, but for now, you need space.

Avoid Rushing Your Healing Process

There is no timeline for getting over someone. It might take weeks, months, or even longer. Don’t let anyone tell you to “just get over it.” Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Healing isn’t linear; there will be good days and bad days. The goal is to keep taking small steps forward, not to sprint to a finish line.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up or Damage Your Self-Worth

It’s easy to fall into a spiral of self-blame, replaying every mistake you think you made. But a breakup doesn’t define your worth. Relationships are complex, and their endings are rarely one person’s fault. This is an opportunity to learn, not a reason to believe you are unlovable. Practice self-care routines that reinforce your value.

Avoid Punishing Your Body

Some people react to emotional pain with physical self-punishment—not eating, over-exercising, or neglecting sleep. Your body is your ally in this healing process. Nourish it with good food, get gentle movement, and prioritize rest. Physical wellness is the foundation for emotional recovery. If you find you can’t sleep after a break up, try creating a calming bedtime routine.

When to Seek Professional Help

If your grief feels overwhelming, if you can’t function in your daily life, or if your sadness persists for months without improvement, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can provide you with tools and strategies for processing your emotions and building resilience. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Conclusion

Navigating a breakup is about moving forward, and a huge part of that is learning what holds you back. By avoiding these common mistakes, you give yourself the space and respect you need to truly heal. It’s a journey, not a race. Be kind to yourself, lean on your support system, and trust that you will come out of this stronger. For a more proactive guide, you can also explore what to do after a breakup. We at www.notonetype.org believe in your ability to heal and build a life you love.